As a child I was full of fear, anxiety and a feeling of being one out. How many times have I heard this scenario expressed at an AA meeting.
These feelings persisted into my teenage years and I covered them up with bluster and bravado and of course lots of booze & dope.
I knew I was in big trouble at the age of 19 and my twenties were spent in desperation – looking for a way out of this emotional and mental torture.
Here are some of the mental and emotional quirks that bedevilled me:
- Constant underlying fear and anxiety
- Feelings of not being good enough (Inferiority)
- Feelings of being better than (Superiority)
- Feelings of being Inferior & Superior at the same time
- Blaming others for the way I felt (parents, siblings-the Government, friends, work mates, etc)
- “MOREISM” – Always wanting more – (love, food, sex, material possessions)
- The feeling that no-one loved me enough to make me feel loved
- Arrogance – refusal to accept help from well meaning people– “what would they know!”
- Feeling that I was different from everybody else in the world….if only they’d understand me
- RESENTMENT…blaming everyone else…RE-FEELING the hurt other people had caused me
- Refusal to admit I was wrong…not owning my part in anything – IT WASN’T ME THAT WAS THE PROBLEM
“Drinking Alcohol does not cause ALCOHOLISM….otherwise everyone who drank would become an Alcoholic. It doesn’t matter how much you drink ….it’s what it does to you.”